Finding Joy in the Journey

She is so BEAUTIFUL!! Her little face is so sweet. She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made! Regardless of our baby’s condition, I was excited to see our little one growing, moving, and just being.

I wish that I could write that everything looks normal, but that’s not the news we received yesterday. Our little girl still has a significant amount of fluid on her brain, her cerebellum is effaced (thinned), and she has clubbed feet. Those things usually indicate a spinal defect like spina bifida. However, the doctor couldn’t visualize any actual physical defect. Our baby girl is also smaller than normal for this gestational age. All of those factors taken together concern the doctors that she has a spinal defect and a chromosomal abnormality, but not necessarily Down’s Syndrome as the earlier blood test seemed to indicate. Most of our health care professionals agreed on Friday that these issues probably mean that our little girl will not survive outside the womb. We could go for more testing to determine a definite diagnosis, but we aren’t willing to endure the test that would diagnose the chromosomal abnormality since it is a costly test that presents the risk of miscarriage and won’t change our minds about carrying this precious little girl. We could also have an MRI to look at the spinal defect, but it is also costly and won’t change how our midwife cares for us.

We’ve decided that the Lord has given us this opportunity to cherish, enjoy, and be grateful for every minute we carry our sweet little girl. I treasure every kick and movement! Instead of stressing about our baby’s condition with every new test that seems to create more questions than answers, we’ve decided to focus on the time we have been given. If carrying her is all that we are given, then we want to find joy in the journey!

Our desire is still that we are able to bring a healthy, perfect, little girl into the world, and we are praying for that miracle, for God to do what only He can. That may not be His will, and if not, we will rejoice in every precious moment He gives us, but since even Jesus asked for a different path than the Cross if it accomplished God’s will, we are asking for a path different than the doctors see. We choose to believe that whatever path He takes us on His grace will be sufficient for us and His glory will be displayed (2 Corinthians 12:9).

We covet your continued prayers for our little girl and our family. We are also asking God for a special measure of wisdom and grace in helping our little ones understand our baby’s condition and deal with such personal grief and loss at such tender ages. I have to trust that if He has ordained this for Layne and me that all our children are safely in His hands.

Yesterday wasn’t all bad news. Our precious Katy Jayne who will turn 5 years old on Saturday prayed with her Daddy, confessing that Jesus is Lord and believing in her heart that God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9). She is excited about going to Heaven to live with Jesus someday. Our hearts are overflowing with joy at this step in her journey!

Thanks for journeying with us,

Amy Joy and Layne

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:22-24