Faith

When we found out we were expecting our first baby, Katy Jayne, we made a list of names we liked, especially because of their meaning. So before we got pregnant, we knew if this little one was a girl her middle name would be Faith.

I'm humbled to know our story has also inspired many of you to greater faith in God. I didn't want to post one more time without asking you to praise our gracious Heavenly Father for the faith you've admired in us. Faith is His gift to us and means nothing without placing it in Him whose name is Faithful and True (Ephesians 2:8, Revelation 19:11). I think that's why Jesus said that you can have faith as small as a mustard seed and have all the faith that you need (Matthew 17:20). It doesn't matter so much how much faith we have as much as in what we put that faith.

We were reminded again last week that He is desiring more than anything to capture our hearts and inviting us to a closer walk on this journey with Him. He asks us to trust Him with all our hearts not just for this season but for a lifetime. On Wednesday of last week, we met with one of the doctors from Maggie Faith's team, a genetics specialist, to review the results of her skin biopsy, which we thought might help shed some light on her metabolic disorder. Guess what? The results were inconclusive! Sound familiar on this journey? We actually laughed at those words, not in a jaded way, but in a knowing way that the Lord has yet to reveal anything conclusive in terms of a diagnosis. Maybe His desire for us is greater than any diagnosis. We have to trust Him when we fear that future children might also have this condition or that our children could carry the genes that would mean they might walk this journey in the future. I place my hope in His unfailing love and that His arms are strong enough to carry me through anything. If you are inspired by our faith, would you direct your gaze to the One who is truly amazing?

Maggie Faith Olivo, deeply loved when there was only the promise of her, lovingly carried by her momma for 38 weeks, graced by her presence for four beautiful days, affectionately danced with her daddy into the arms of her Heavenly Father. Our tiny, priceless pearl who inspired us to greater faith in the One taught us how to love and loves us more extravagantly than we can fathom.

Mother's Day Musings

I thought I would celebrate today by sharing some of the thoughts I've been reflecting on in the past two months:

I'm so grateful for life and legacy. I realized today that I'm a daughter who has lost her mother and a mother who has lost a daughter and yet I'm so blessed by the lives of both.

I'm so grateful for music these days. It's actually one of the legacies my mom left me and my sisters. My mom was truly gifted vocally. She could improvise harmony to anything she heard. Music was part of our everyday life. We grew up in a musical--almost anything could cause us to break out in song. Music has always served us where mere words failed. I find music helps me express what's in my heart and reminds me of what's in God's heart toward me. Music can change ordinary places like living rooms and uncommon places like the NICU into sanctuaries where our hearts are drawn to God. Music is a beautiful gift.

I'm also grateful for the kindness of friends and strangers. Thank you for letting me tell our story! Thank you for considering it a privilege to cry with us! On the hard days when my heart longs to be with Maggie Faith, I take great comfort in sharing my memories of her life and the hope that we have as believers in Christ that we will be reunited with her in the presence of Jesus when our time on earth is through. Sharing Maggie Faith's life reminds me of all the blessings we have in Christ. Thank you for taking the time to read our blog and to comment or email or send us cards and letters. It really is a joy to know her life is remembered by others. For those of you who can't seem to find the words to express to us what is in your heart, please know that we understand your silence and so greatly appreciate the prayers we know you offer on our behalf.

I've also been thankful for Dr. Seuss...Don't you just love Dr. Seuss? His simple lyrical prose and whimsical art have captured the imagination of countless readers, both young and young at heart. I love his heart for children. His line from Horton Hears a Who is precious to me, "A person's a person no matter how small." We have loved each of our children since before they were born. I told Katy Jayne recently that I have loved them since I began dreaming of being a mommy when I was a little girl her age. That refrain from Horton Hears a Who especially expresses what's in my heart toward both my little ones who live in Heaven. We've recorded the life and legacy of Maggie Faith here, but I also want to honor the life of another little one I carried several years ago for eleven weeks before I miscarried. We named that little one "Sprout." We have given each of our babies a nickname while I carry them so that we can announce their given name at birth. We lost Sprout so early in the pregnancy that we don't know if it was a boy or girl so that baby remains Sprout in our memory. If you've ever lost a baby during pregnancy, we honor the tears you have shed and the things you do to remember the life that grew in your body however briefly. We agree with Dr. Seuss -- life is precious!

Before this turns into something that resembles ramblings rather than reflections, I'd like to end this post with some thoughts I wrote down in the booklet we compiled for Maggie Faith's memorial service:

To our precious family and friends,

You have been a treasure to us on this journey! The words “thank you” somehow seem inadequate to express all that is in our hearts toward you. We have been so richly blessed by your prayers, words of encouragement and comfort, for the tears you have shed for and with us. You have demonstrated your love for us in countless ways and your companionship on this journey has been priceless. We ask for the privilege of rejoicing with you when you rejoice, weeping with you when you mourn, offering the love and friendship you have so freely offered us. Our sincerest prayer is that Maggie Faith’s life would draw you closer to the heart of the Father! May He richly bless you for the kindness you have shown us!

With love,

Layne, Amy Joy, Katy Jayne, Connor, Jordan “JoJo” and Maggie Faith

Paying It Forward

Thank you so much for how you have surrounded us with your love and prayers! We are grateful beyond words for how you have walked with us on this journey! Many of you have expressed to us how Maggie Faith's life has impacted you and that you would like to celebrate her life with a gift. While we have no expectations of any of you in this regard, we would be delighted if you would honor those who so tenderly and compassionately cared for our sweet Maggie Faith and our family at Parkland's Neonatal ICU with a gift in Maggie Faith's memory, as a blessing to other families with critically ill babies under their care.

If you wish, you may make out a check to:

Parkland Foundation

2777 N. Stemmons Freeway

Suite 1700

Dallas, TX 75207

Please attach a note to your check indicating that you would like the funds to go to the Neonatal ICU in memory of Maggie Faith Olivo.

You can also donate online here. Please use the drop down box to designate your gift for the Neonatal ICU, and you can include Maggie Faith's name in the tribute information.

Thank you for your desire to honor her life with a gift!

Grateful that we are not alone,

The Olivos

Layne, Amy Joy, Katy Jayne, Connor, JoJo and Maggie Faith

Eulogy for Maggie Faith

When we gathered with friends and family on Saturday to thank God for Maggie Faith's life, I offered this eulogy:

"On the day Maggie Faith danced home to Jesus, I woke with such a deep love for my Savior. Before I even got out of bed that morning, I had to tell him how dearly and deeply I loved Him. In fact, though it may seem hard for some of you to comprehend, I am more in love with Jesus today than I have ever really been in my life! Maggie Faith has changed my life! She is His gift to me to draw me closer to Him in a way I have never experienced before. I’m more convinced of His power, His love, and His goodness than I ever have been. I love Jesus!! I’m in love with Him! Our deepest prayer is that He has captured your heart too through Maggie Faith’s life.

Today I’d like to share with you how He has captivated me. He gave me the great honor of being Maggie Faith’s momma. While we are experiencing a deep and abiding loss, here are some things we gained from being a part of Maggie Faith’s life:

A longing for Heaven

“Momma, why does God make people sick?” Katy Jayne asked recently. I paused and breathed a prayer and the Holy Spirit put these words in my mouth. “Sweet love, God doesn’t make people sick but He does allow sickness so that we long for a place where there is no sickness and no pain. Do you know where that place is?” “Sure, Momma, that’s Heaven with Jesus!” [Revelation 21:3-4]. I have never found myself so desperately longing to be in two places at once – here on earth to love on the family that God has so graciously and generously given me and with Him in Heaven holding my sweet baby girl, Maggie Faith. I can’t really explain it but somehow I feel as though I know the heart of God better and saw a glimpse of Heaven as a result of having seen the beautiful spirit he put in her fragile little body. On her good days, she would move her little feet just like a ballerina. In fact, I described her kicks while I carried her in my body as “dancing.” I see her dancing before the Lord to his sheer delight on those beautiful little feet. That vision is so beautiful it takes my breath away!

A greater sense of awe and wonder of our Heavenly Father...a desire to earnestly BELIEVE Him

She was so beautiful and so fearfully and wonderfully made [Psalm 139: 13-16]! He expanded my capacity to trust Him in this area. I remember the day I realized I really could ask Him to heal her of things like Down’s Syndrome. The God we serve is so big, unfathomable really, and delights when we pray asking Him to be Himself, to be HUGE [Psalm 77:13-14, Ephesians 3:20-21]. That realization was so essential when the findings from each test we had were worse news than the ones before. I asked God for some pretty unbelievable things from a human perspective. I think He delighted that I would ask even when He answered me, “Beloved, I’m so sorry. I have something different in mind for her. But thank you for asking! Thank you for believing I could even if I don’t!” I love Him so much! I could be disappointed that He didn’t answer my prayers the way that I prayed them. But instead of looking elsewhere for comfort I want to press into His presence, to experience His embrace more fully, to be loved so abundantly by Him, for my spirit to dance for Him like Maggie Faith’s, simply for His pleasure.

Maybe you are here today and you’ve asked some pretty amazing things of God and been disappointed by Him. Maybe you loved Him once but turned away because the pain of life was too great. Maybe you are no longer convinced of His power, His love and His goodness. Maybe you can identify with Jesus’ cousin, John the Baptist, who experienced doubt when He found Himself imprisoned for proclaiming Christ to his countrymen. John sent a few of his followers to Jesus to ask, “Are you really Him?” John was expressing what you may feel toward Jesus: “Have you forgotten me? Can you not do something about the situation I’m in? Did I risk it all for the wrong thing?” Jesus kindly answers his heart and yours, “Blessed are you if you are not offended by me” [Matthew 11:1-6]. Would you be willing to give your disappointment to God and let Him hold that burden instead of you? Did you hear in the passage that Layne’s dad read how God can turn the Valley of Weeping [Baca] into an oasis where others are comforted too (Psalm 84)? He is the “Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” [2 Corinthians 1:3-4]. I pray that our journey and the beauty of Maggie Faith’s life may somehow inspire you to turn around and find that God is waiting with open arms to comfort you. His love for you is so fierce. Would you allow His love to quiet your heart so you can hear Him singing and rejoicing over you [Zephaniah 3:17]?

Maybe through Maggie Faith’s life you are meeting Jesus for the first time. We welcome you on this journey! We pray that you would see a little of our Heavenly Father’s heart toward you through our love for our little girl and our love for Him. I’m convinced the intensity of our desire to spend eternity with Maggie Faith in the presence of Jesus pales in comparison with His desire to spend eternity with you. Do you know how much God the Father loves you? He loves you so passionately that He sacrificed His Son for you so that you can live with Him FOREVER [John 3:16, 1 John 4:9, 10]. Do you hear Him speaking tenderly to your heart? Do you long to be loved like that? Do you recognize your need for a Savior, for that kind of love, that you can’t find it on your own, and you want to receive it from Him, to accept life with Him because of the life His Son gave for you [Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, Romans 10:9, 13, Romans 5:1, Romans 8:1]? We long to see you in Heaven and so does He.

Maybe like us, Maggie Faith’s life has inspired you to greater faith in the Lover of your Soul. Would you press in? Savor your time with Him, press in, draw near to His heart through His Word, songs, hymns, fellowship with other believers, pray, pray hard, pray unbelievable things, ask Him to increase your faith and help you in your unbelief [Luke 17:1-6; Mark 9:14-25]. Press in...press in...press in!"*

*I was so blessed this past summer to have the opportunity to complete once again a Bible study by Beth Moore entitled Believing God. Many of the precepts you read here are a part of what I learned then. I could not have imagined what God was preparing me for, but I'm so glad He did.

Photos

For those of you who have asked, here are the photos that we had up front for Maggie's memorial service. These were all taken by our good friend Ami Trull. She is a wonderful photographer and she did a marvelous job of helping us preserve some very precious memories of our sweet girl.

Your Stories

Many of you have expressed to us how much Maggie's story has affected your lives. We would consider it a great testimony to her life if you would take the time to send us your story at maggie.faith.olivo@gmail.com and it would also help us to remember the great things that the Lord has done in our time. We are asking you to use this method instead of the regular comment section since many of you have indicated that you have had difficulty posting comments and we don't want to miss any one.

Maggie's Jubilee

A little after 2:00 this afternoon, Maggie Faith smiled at me for the last time as I danced with her, and she danced from her earthly father's arms into her Heavenly Father's arms.

He gives and takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Layne

Sometimes "I Love You" means saying "Goodbye"

Yesterday was hard.

In the process of trying to determine the root cause of Maggie's problems, the doctors here have consulted with their expert on genetic disorders. His best guess about the source of her acidosis is something called pyruvate dehydrogenase deficiency which, as we understand it, is an inability of the body to produce an enzyme that is part of the process that converts glucose to energy. Is results in a build up of pyruvate and eventually lactic acid. This is a sub-cellular process and is not curable by human medicine.

Fortunately, our God is not human.

In treatment terms, at some point the drs believe that the current level of treatment will cease to be effective, and that the next step is dialysis. Again, this is not a long term solution, and would be a very painful and traumatic experience for Maggie, not to mention the inherent risks of major surgery on a newborn.

For most of last night, Maggie's pH level was hovering between 6.8 and 6.9. This is low enough that if it stays there, her systems will begin to shut down.

So we've had to begin the thought process of how much treatment is appropriate, and where to stop. We've decided that we're not going to put her through dialysis. If she goes that route, we're going to take her off of the machines, and enjoy the time we have left with her as a baby without all of the tubes and wires.

This morning, however, she has surprised everyone and rebounded above 7.0 and has been climbing. God's not ready for her to come home just yet!

Today is even harder.

At least that's what we thought early this morning.

In our daily conference with the doctors, it became clear to us that what we were seeing is most likely a delayed reaction to the medicine that she was on all last night. At some point in the night/early morning, the line carrying that medicine pulled out of position, and the doctors were unable to restore it to the correct position. Without major surgery, that is the only way they had to get her her medicine. Additionally, the medicine had already begun to increase her potassium levels, which would eventually be fatal in themselves.

From here on out, each additional medication that we elected to give her would add another layer of potentially fatal chemical imbalances, until there were simply too many to juggle. This, added to her underlying metabolic problems, makes it clear that human medicine is not going to keep her in this world. Any further level of treatment is simply going to treat symptoms and cause her pain without changing the final outcome.

Tomorrow will be the hardest.

Sometime on Tuesday, we will take her off of her ventilator, tubes, and wires. We will read her stories. We will sing her songs. We will pray with her. We will commend her into the loving, all-powerful, faithful, healing arms of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Better

Our little Maggie is a fighter!  The drs gave her a dose of some  medicine to which she responded early this morning, but then she backtracked a bit, so they are going to put her on an infusion of that same med.  Her other chemicals (co2, o2, etc) are looking better right now as well.  

Thank you all so much for standing in the gap with us for Maggie. Please continue to pray for improvement and full health.  

Layne

Pray hard!

It's 5:15a and we just got a call from the NICU that Maggie's acidosis
condition is worsening and she's maxed out on the drugs she can have
for the condition. Pray that her condition would stabilize, that she
would respond to both the transfusion and the drugs they've already
given her. Please pray that our Father would strengthen our faith.

Layne

Current news 2010-03-13 5:00 pm

We had what they call a "Family Consult" with the doctors in Maggie's
team earlier this evening and got a little clearer picture of what our
precious girl is fighting, at least in some areas.

She is NOT dealing with a severe chromasomal abnormality as has been
speculated in the past. Her tests for the trisomy variants all came
back negative, which is a huge praise!

She is NOT dealing with either of the "Walker" named syndromes -
another huge praise!

The acidosis that she is dealing with, however, has become the
dominant concern. The easily fixable causes of acidosis (infection,
vitamin deficiency, etc) are being ruled out for now due to the
persistence of her condition. The current thinking now is that the
cause of the acidosis may also be the underlying cause of the majority
of her other issues. It's beginning to look like some sort of
systemic metabolic issue, many of which are untreatable.

Tests are being run, but the tests with quick results have all come
back negative at this point. At least this rules out a few things and
gets us closer to knowing what's going on. Results for the current
round of tests won't be known until later in the week, but they are
relatively confident that they can keep her stabilized through the
testing.

As a result of the number of samples needed for the various tests, she
is beginning to run low on red blood cells and is likely to need a
blood transfusion later tonight.

Prayer needs:
Please pray that the blood transfusion goes well.
That the tests would reveal a treatable cause for the acidosis.
For peace and wisdom for us as we discuss treatment options with the
doctors and neurosurgeons.
We know our God is far greater than we can imagine or concieve, and we
are praying that He would reveal Himself in an astounding and amazing
way and heal our precious pearl.

Layne

Photos 2

Photos

Not sure what the formatting is going to look like when these post,
but here are our first photos.

Day 2

AJ got to hold Maggie for about an hour and a half late last night and we saw some smiles this morning.  AJ is up walking around and recovering really well.

Maggie is generally doing well, too.  Her acidosis is stable, not going up or going down, but they still don't know a reason for it. There are a bunch of tests being run, but it's going to take a few days before we get results from them. 

After looking at the MRI, the neurosurgery team thinks that Maggie is not dealing with either the Dandy-Walker or Walker-Warburg syndromes, but rather something called aqueduct stenosis which is an obstruction of the flow of the cerebral fluid, and is the apparent cause of the excess fluid on the brain. There are some treatment options available, and we will be discussing those with the neurosurgery team when we talk to them hopefully later today.   

We are so grateful for the time we've already had with Maggie.  She is such a blessing and such a beautiful  example of God's artistry!  

 

Please pray that the doctors would be able to find the root cause of the acidosis and then that they would be able to treat it effectively and eliminate it. Please also pray that we and the doctors would have wisdom in finding a course of treatment for the stenosis.    

Layne

New Challenges

Some of the blood tests have cone back and the only unexpected result
was the presence of some metabolic acidosis in her blood. It basically
means that her blood is somewhat too acidic and can't carry oxygen as
efficiently as threy would like. They have started a treatment regimen
and it is responding to the treatment, if a bit slower than they would
like to see. Please pray that she would continue to respond positively
to the treatment and that the acidosis would continue to recede.

She is currently having an MRI done and we should have the results of
that sometime tonight. She has had a team of neurosurgeons visit her
and after examining the results of the MRI, they are anticipating that
they will be able to make some recommendations for treatment options.
Please pray that they would have wise council for us and that they
would have eyes to see what our Father is showing them.

Stable and resting

Quick update:
Maggie is stable and resting. They have all of her tubes and wires hooked up and she is napping in the middle of a long, hard day. Her blood pressure is good, her heartrate is good, but her oxygen intake is a bit low.

So far, they have taken several blood samples to test for chromasomal anomalies and other issues. She has had pretty much a full body sonogram, and is having her oxygen intake constantly monitored. She has had a chest x-ray which showed that her lungs are slightly underdeveloped, which is to be expected.

They see trying to get her scheduled for an MRI later today and a neurosurgeon team is coming by later to evaluate her and discuss treatment options.

AJ is resting comfortably for now, and is looking forward to being able to come see Maggie.

Maggie Faith Olivo!!!

Maggie Faith Olivo arrived about 10:40 and told the whole delivery room that she was here! She is stabilized and headed down to NNICU for further testing. We'll know more about her in a couple of hours. Praise God, she is breathing and kicking! She even opened her eyes a bit to see this new world she'd been introduced to.

Time to go

We're heading into surgery now.

Parkland Arrival

We have arrived at Parkland. Thanks so much to everyone who is praying for us. Your stand with us strengthens our faith.

Turn, baby, turn!

If you are praying for us today, please pray that our baby would turn head down. She's breech right now which is what is necessitating the c-section delivery. We were told last yesterday that if she turns, that she would not have to be delivered by c-section. Her arrival is still planned for tomorrow regardless of her position. So pray hard! If God chooses not to answer this prayer, we believe He is sovereignly directing us to a c-section delivery. But it never hurts to ask, right? Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Ready or not...

This morning Layne and I made a trip to the OB Complications Clinic at Parkland Hospital. We were scheduled for a sonogram and clinical consultation with their maternal and fetal medicine specialist, Dr. Dashe. We decided on this course of action last week after discussing the fetal MRI findings with our midwives and their OB associate. This time choosing what's best for our baby involves delivering at a hospital where our little girl can get the help she needs when she's born.

Today was a day of paradigm shifts for us: We went from thinking our delivery was still a couple weeks in the future to finding out that Friday will be the day we meet our little one. They wanted to deliver her tomorrow, but we asked for a few days to make arrangements for the care of Katy Jayne, Connor, and Jordan. We have never chosen to give birth in a hospital much less chosen to do so by c-section, but that's the plan. Please pray for an uncomplicated delivery! We are used to thinking that carrying our baby to our due date is the best, but our little girl is not growing well (6 weeks behind normal in size) so carrying her longer may actually do more harm than good. It's time for her to receive some extra special care from specialists who can evaluate her condition better after she's delivered. Please pray for the team of doctors that God is preparing to walk this journey with us. Our prayer is that if they are believers they will know Him better through this experience with us, and that if they do not know Him yet that He is preparing their hearts to meet Him and learn to love and trust Him.

Though it seems one part of this journey of faith is drawing close to the finish line, there awaits a new opportunity to believe God for the life and care of our precious little girl. We are at peace in the knowledge that God is the giver and sustainer of life (Psalm 36:9, NET) and that her life rests safely in His hands. We covet your prayers that He would "do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us" (Ephesians 3:20). We ask you to continue to pray that He will have compassion on her and heal her (Matthew 14:14) specifically that He would completely develop and mature her brain, that the fluid in her brain would reduce to a normal level and allow the compressed parts of her brain to blossom, that her brain stem would function and be in its rightful place, that she would grow and thrive, and that her clubbed feet would be healed or able to be corrected.

Katy Jayne recently asked why God makes people sick. I told her that while God doesn't make people sick he allows us to experience sickness as a part of living in a fallen world in order to "set eternity in our hearts" (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and make us long to live with Jesus in Heaven where there will be no more sickness or pain (Revelation 21:4). While we will love on our precious baby girl as long as the Lord sustains her life on this earth--be it minutes or years--we rejoice that we will get to spend eternity together with her in the presence of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Many of you have asked how you can help us in addition to praying for us. Please pray hard and pray often! Beyond that we are anticipating needing help with meals, house cleaning, caring for our dogs and probably other things we simply haven't anticipated yet. Check back here for the name and contact information of the person we will have coordinate these things for us.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and concern for our family!

Your ways, O God, are holy,

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

You display your power among the peoples.

Psalm 77:13-14

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

On Thursday morning, we woke early to a beautiful snow. Layne and I quietly dressed and then spent a few minutes in God's Word and in prayer before braving the roads and the fetal MRI. My Bible opened that morning to Psalm 127, where we were encouraged especially by verse 3: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward." (NASB) We love our little one so much, and we believe that she is a blessing regardless of her physical condition.

So what were the MRI results? Once again we received test results that both answered some questions and created more. We were given both good and bad news. The MRI revealed that our little girl's brain appears to be significantly underdeveloped. The radiologist who specializes in fetal MRIs, Dr. Diane Twickler, gave us a list of 6 issues in our baby's brain that she detected from the images. I won't detail the issues because the medical terminology wouldn't mean much to most of you. It appears that while the rest of our little one's body developed normally (that's the good news), her brain did not (that's the bad news). Dr. Twickler indicated that the most likely diagnosis of our baby's condition is Walker-Warburg syndrome, a rare form of congenital muscular dystrophy associated with brain and eye abnormalities.

So what does that mean? Well, mostly that we won't have any answers as to our little girl's ability to function outside the womb until she's actually outside the womb. That mostly depends on the development of the part of her brain that governs autonomic functions like breathing, eating, and other reflexes.

So where do we give birth? That's a great question that we will be answering in consultation with our midwives and maternal fetal medicine specialist this next week. I'm 34 weeks pregnant so we'll be making that decision soon. We would appreciate your continued prayers for wisdom on this issue.

So how are we doing? We know we'd rather walk this road with Him than without Him (Psalm 84). We are facing facts without wavering through unbelief (Romans 4:19-21). We believe in "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." (Romans 4:17b, NIV) We believe that He could still develop her brain. We also know that He may not. Regardless, we know her life has meaning and purpose, and we pray that God might receive the glory for the gift of her life. "Blessed be the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21c)

In the Lord's time

Last time I wrote I thought I would be posting again within a few days that we had scheduled the fetal MRI. The Lord had a different timing in mind. During the month of January, our little family battled illness and several other stressors that kept us focused on simple daily survival tasks. I'll not go into detail here because when I listed all the stressful events in January I filled four pages in my journal. Needless to say our plate was full! Repeatedly, the Lord set before us opportunities to grumble or give thanks. It didn't take us long to choose thankfulness over grumpiness. I think it really does take more energy to be grumpy, and we learned to take true delight in simple things like food, shelter, and good friends. Today we are thankful that the fetal MRI is finally scheduled for TOMORROW, Thursday, February 11 at 8 a.m.! Please pray that the weather wouldn't prevent us from attending the appointment though we continue to trust the Lord's timing for this test. Please pray also that the MRI will give us wisdom to know the best place to deliver our precious little girl and the kind of care she will need after she's born. Our deepest gratitude for your prayers and concern for our family!

Conversations

Thank you so much for your continued prayers. Many of you have expressed interest in how we are doing. Like most of you, we have been immersed in a good but intensely focused season of celebrating. In the midst of our celebrating, we’ve been having some good conversations that I’d like to share with you:

Connor (3) had a conversation with our baby girl when he came to snuggle with us on a particularly cold morning in early December. His little hands were like ice because in his world socks are optional. With a little prompting from Daddy, though he didn’t need much, Connor decided to say hi to the baby in mommy’s tummy with his ice cold hands; baby girl promptly “told” him “hands off” with a kick. He still laughs about the baby telling him his hands were too cold. What a treasure!

We also treasure a conversation Connor had with Jesus on the day after Thanksgiving. Layne’s parents bought us an early Christmas present and Connor asked why. Layne asked him whose birthday we celebrate on Christmas and why God sent Jesus to earth. Connor knew it was Jesus’ birthday we celebrate and that God sent Jesus to earth to die for his sins. Connor confesses Jesus is Lord and believes in his heart God raised Him from the dead so that he is saved. Please rejoice with us!

I love the conversations Layne has with our baby girl. She loves to move underneath his warm hands. Sometimes she “hides” so that he will play “hide and sneak,” as our kids call it, making him press on my belly until she kicks back. Such fun!

I enjoy the conversations that just she and I have usually late at night or early in the morning when everyone else is sleeping. When I finally sit or lay down, she wakes up ready to “talk.” She also lets me know when she particularly enjoys a meal I’ve enjoyed! The girl likes pie! I’m really enjoying our little girl.

We’ve also had a few conversations with our midwives in the last few weeks. In our last post, we expressed our desire not to chase after a diagnosis in such a way that our need to know our baby’s condition would inhibit us from actually enjoying each day we are given carrying our baby girl. Our midwives agreed that we could allow our pregnancy to “unfold,” meaning we didn’t have to have answers right away. What they’ve said all along but we are just understanding now is that while the testing probably won’t change the way they treat me, it might change the setting in which we deliver our baby. We’ve been praying that God would give us wisdom in the most judicious test to diagnose our baby’s condition. So in the next few weeks, we will be pursuing a fetal MRI, which should give us the best and most complete view of our baby girl. We are praying that the MRI would reveal without a doubt whether it’s safe to deliver at the birth center or whether we should transfer to an OB for a hospital birth. We’ll keep you posted about the scheduling of this test and the results. Please pray with us about this test. Pray that it would give us the wisdom we need to make the choice about where to best deliver our baby. Pray also that I would not be anxious. Right now for me ignorance is bliss; it’s what’s helping me truly enjoy this pregnancy. Pray that whatever the results my heart would choose to bless the Name of the Lord.

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